19 Jan Do It Scared – Remember your ‘Why’ to restore your Self-confidence

 My 2017 Manifesto: Do It Scared

January.  A month of new beginnings.  And resolutions.  And college applications and essays.  You start out so full of excitement, enthusiasm, and self-confidence.  And then suddenly, it wanes.

Funny thing about Self-confidence.  It doesn’t have a simple On-Off switch.    It is more of an ebb and flow.

One day, we are full of it.  Then the next, we face a situation and find ourselves flailing and distrusting our own instincts.  But sometimes all we need is a mirror held up to remind us why we are doing this, to help us get back to restoring our confidence in our own abilities.

Self-confidence.

It is an interesting soft-skill.  A key indicator for success, it differs from self-esteem in that it increases as you deepen your proficiency.  It is linked to trusting yourself, and your expertise, command or knowledge in a particular area.  (And of course, be totally lacking in confidence where you have no skill – like me and ice skating).

And losing it.

But interestingly, it isn’t a simple linear equation: Greater skill = Self-confidence.  It can easily dissipate.  Cue the public speaker who has jitters and nerves before they step on stage.  Or the world-traveler who gets nervous before stepping onto the plane.  Or the aging social media guru who suddenly sees a younger generation connecting to a new generation of apps.  There is no rationale.  You know you have the raw knowledge and skill, but for a moment – or more – you question your command.

It can also easily evaporate with stress or challenge.  A tiring day or a meeting with your boss.  Sitting SATs or writing a blog.  A presentation, or a bout of the flu.  An interview or coming back from maternity leave.  And poof!  Just like that, it is all gone.  You begin to underestimate yourself.  And then your confidence has to be rebuilt with attention and focus.

But it can be rebuilt.  With attention and focus.

I was in just such a place recently.  I had made a commitment to post regularly on my blog.  With the focus on social media, creating a FB page, likes and followers, I began to spiral into a place where I questioned my brand and how my message is perceived and received.  I invested hours in editing and word-smithing as the statistician in me focused on possible views and likes instead of comments.  And then my moment was gone.  I have written (let’s count) 7 unpublished blogs in the previous month – and nothing posted!  My confidence was wavering.

Get back up on that horse

So when I saw an ad from Elaine Bennett advertising a Writing Challenge.  I signed on.  Because I needed something to get my writing muscles – physical and mental – working again.

Start easy

She held my hand.  Figuratively speaking.  She set boundaries and took away the big decisions:

• What to write? Use the daily prompt
• Discipline? It is only 5 days – I can do that!
• Not enough time? Set the timer and only write for 15 minutes
• Focus – Don’t waste time editing or playing with phrases
• Accountability – It has a deadline – due to the group by midnight
• JUST DO IT

Just Do It

That made my re-entry a little smoother.  Accountability.  And the fact that she was donating the entry fee for this exercise to Room to Read – a wonderful charity and a cause I support fully.  I even got to post a badge on my FB page proudly proclaiming my achievement!

What happened next?  I saw my words in ‘print’

“Write Scared.  Write Every Week.  Write – because in a world of 7.5 billion people there is one person somewhere who is waiting for what I have to say.”

On day 5, Elaine asked, “What did you learn from this challenge?” And that was my answer (in a 15 minute un-edited kinda way).

Someone, somewhere, needs to hear it – just like this

I have learned (the hard way) what every marketing major is taught in Marketing 101.

We hear things differently.  On different schedules.  Through different filters.

That is why you can attend a seminar on Habits and come away seeing the light.  Yet your mother will shake her head in confusion as it was purely a repeat of all the common sense she had drummed into you since you were 5!  Sometimes it is the flow of the sentences, the different voice, the company in the meeting room, or the frame of mind with which the message was being received.

Someone needs to hear it now – ‘just this way’

It was a great reminder from my sub-conscious.  Not hubris.  Just transmitting information – a thought or idea that needed to be shared with someone who was going to be walking a path I had just walked, or facing a situation I am currently sharing, or asking the same questions running through my head.

My self-confidence boost

My surprise was that Elaine asked if she could quote me.  And use my words.  Because Elaine Bennett is something of a big cheese in the world of business writing.  (You should see what Warren Buffett said about her work for him!)

She nudged me to acknowledge that I was not serving anyone by playing small and invisible while waiting to sound ‘perfect’.

So, THANK YOU, Elaine Bennett, (and all the fellow-travelers who also participated in the challenge while I did).  Thank you for getting me back on that horse.

SO – onto my apology and my renewed commitment for 2017

Which leads me to the conclusion of my little story on my crisis of confidence.

I like curating and sharing information.  Any information.

What can I say?

With payments and money, I am like a child – eager to soak up new technology, concepts, and information, and then share it.

The productivity hacks are shared suggestions for saving a solo small business owner an invaluable minute or two in their day (a group for whom time is as precious as money!).

I worry about the Future of Work – how technology and demographics will impact future generations’ ability to lead lives filled with value, excitement, and meaning.

And if I can save a fellow parent some emotional angst by sharing the road we have traveled, I feel that is time well spent.

I had originally envisioned the ‘Arena’ as a place where anyone could share ideas that matter, where there would be healthy debate on a smattering of subjects.

My other confidence boost

My friend Genie Sockel helped me distill my thoughts at a recent conference in Atlanta.  She suggested that instead of narrowing my blog focus, maybe I should ‘B-R-O-A-D-E-N‘ it.  That my blog could just be “sharing curated content”.

Requesting permission to Just Do It .. SCARED

I will be testing out this idea over the next few weeks.  I ask permission to fail in front of all of you.  To not be perfect as I experiment with FaceBook Live.  To share all the things that interest me, astound me or drive me crazy.

And to all my ‘tribe’ who have faithfully followed my blog:

I apologize for playing invisible.

I hate being vulnerable.  But I recognize that some of the best opportunities to learn come from sharing situations, sharing mistakes, sharing solutions or just plain old sharing.

Thank you for your patience while I narrow my message.

Or broaden it.

Remember WHY

I will write often.

I will write because in a world of 7.5 billion people, there may be someone, somewhere who may need to hear this, just this way, today.

Whoa.  Deep breath.  Anyone out there want to join me and just DO IT SCARED?

15 minutes is up.  Hitting Publish.

K‘}…{‘Arena

The Arena is a space for sharing ideas and discussion.  You heard my thoughts.  Now it is over to you:

} .. Is there one thing that you would do, if only you were not scared?

} .. What tool could help you overcome that?

THANKS FOR THE INSPIRATION

According to Jim Rohn, you are the average of the 5 people you spend (real or cyber) time with.  I am grateful to be inspired by:

• Elaine Bennett – BennettInk.com – Yes, she is running another 5×15 writing challenge starting Jan 23, 2017 – and NO this is not a paid advertisement!  She does not know I am writing this!
• Genie Sockel – Founder and Lead Coach on Reclaim Your Reputation.  She offers students 11-18, their parents and school officials a pro-active program that helps a student to re-calibrate their behavior before it affects their future education and work choices.
• My sister-in-law for being my accountability partner

• Do It Scared – Credit to James Clear
• Just Do It – Credit to Samantha Bennett (no relation to Elaine!)
• Self Confidence:
  • TED talk Elizabeth Gilbert – Success, Failure and the Drive to keep creating
  • TED talk Jane McGonigal – The Game that can give you 10 extra years of Life
  • Steve Erry – “Self-confidence is a muscle”  http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html
• Self-esteem: http://www.forbes.com/2010/07/22/confidence-job-satisfaction-interview-techniques-forbes-woman-leadership-self-esteem.html