17 Jun My Dad taught me my ABCs – Always Be Curious

This is my first Father’s Day without my Dad. A time of deep loss, transition, and profound re-adjustment.

Dad taught me my ABCs

From my Dad, I learned my ABCs. First the normal ones – the building blocks of words.
Then the ones that take you through life. Because the legacy that my Dad has left behind for me are these:

ABC – Always Be Curious; Always Be Caring

And my 3 ‘R’s

Beyond ‘R’eading, w’R’iting and ‘R’ithmatic, he also taught me some much more important ‘R’s:

ReInvention: You are never too old to learn new things.

• Aged 45, this School Principal was suddenly a refugee and separated from his family. After a lifetime of being cared for by the many women in his life – mother, grandmothers, sisters, wife – he had to learn everything. From how to boil an egg, to how to sew on a button (all without YouTube!).
  He taught me that book smart does not mean you are knowledgeable.
• Aged 90, he wanted his communication independence and inter-dependence. He worked with the help of his 10-year old grandson to buy himself a new iPhone 5 on Amazon, and then learned how to use it to stay connected via WhatsApp with his children, grandchildren and close friends on 5 continents.

Respect: Nature

• I first learned the beauty of the night sky with my Dad gently pointing out the North Star, the Milky Way, the Big Dipper. We would then walk inside and pour over the pages in our Reader’s Digest Atlas.
  These lessons kept me connected with my Dad when we were separated. It gave me confidence that whenever I was away from those I love, all I had to do was look up and I would be sharing that same sky. Separated in geography from my siblings now, I draw that same connection in my gut when we share photos of the Blood Moon, blue skies or sunsets from opposite ends of the Earth.

Follow me. Run!

• I particularly remember the evening of the 2 sunsets. We walked up the hill near our home to our favourite spot and caught the sunset over the Arabian Sea. As the sky started turning orange, he stood up and with a glint in his eye said, “Follow me. Run!” And with that, we sprinted to a higher peak and for the first time in my life, I watched the sun set twice in the same day.
  From this, I learned I could play with Time, Horizon and Perspective.

Resilience & Relationships

• Someone has been here before: He encouraged me to respect the generations whose choices and sacrifices had brought me to the moment of privilege that I enjoy. To listen and learn from their experiences. How to dig within to make it through periods of intense discomfort, isolation, and uncertainty. And how to enjoy moments of gentle peace and new beginnings.
  I learned that whatever decisions I might face today for myself and my children, our ancestors had been at a similar point in their history. The technology might be different, but the commitment and emotional need to protect the futures of the ones we love remains the same.
• My Dad loved to talk about relations, relatives, and relationships. Maybe that is where I first learned to love connecting the dots! In our times of dire need, we were loved and supported – fiscally, physically and emotionally – by the many family and friends in our circle. My father reminded us constantly to pay forward these single acts of generosity and kindness in love and with respect.
  We are a family. Not just a family unit. But a huge invisible net of a human family, of friends and relations that constantly reach out and support each other. We can scout ahead as individuals, but we progress ahead as a community.

Thanks, Dad

I learned:

• To always be excited to learn new things.
• There is profound comfort in the reliable cycle of nature.
• Look around for a different perspective.
• We are surrounded by people who love us.

And when I miss you, as I often do, all I have to do is look up at the sky.

Inspiration:

Inspired by, and dedicated to, my Dad.

Inspired to share my thoughts by two of my favourite writers who shared their Dad with me, and asked ‘What gifts did your Dad give you?’ (Sam Horn in What Do You Want to Thank Your Father For?) and ‘What did you learn from your Father?’ (Karthik Rajan in When You Become Your Dad’s Teacher)

Thoughts?  Comments?  Please share them wherever you find this post.