07 Dec 3 ways to connect with your Teenager this Holiday

All I want for Christmas is to share some special moments with my teenager.  You too?

Sometimes the hubbub of the Holiday season threatens to take over from the warmth and true spirit of the season.  Gift-shopping, school concerts, holiday parties all vie for our time.  Before you know it, we will be tossing out the 2016 Christmas tree along with all the gift-wrap.  Another Holiday season done and gone, and precious little time spent with those we love.

But with a little extra planning and advance negotiation you can fill December 2016 with …

Special Memories

Just as when I was a child, the most important part of my holiday season is the time I actually spend with my immediate family.  It is the stuff that my special memories are made of – which I am jealously collecting before my children leave to make their own homes. But as my children mature I am finding it challenging to coordinate schedules so that everyone can continue to share those special moments together.

Toddler to Tween, Teen to Twenty

Remember when they were young?  Most family traditions started simple and evolved as the kids grew.  Jingle Bell Rock ‘n Roll.  Reindeer dust. Neighborhood carol singing.  Christmas morning breakfast. 

But it becomes more of a challenge (for us parents) to keep these going as our children mature into their teens and then onto their twenties.  The older siblings are usually balancing exams and festivities in the weeks before their Winter break.  Teenagers are hanging with friends.  Younger siblings anxiously wait for brothers and sisters to return from university so their traditions can continue.  Timing is everything.  Scheduling becomes the challenge.

Three easy ideas to carve special time with your busy teenager during the holiday season

The best way to engage with your teenager during December is to elevate an early childhood tradition. Include technology. Create moments to share so that you will both have great memories in the years ahead.  Enjoy easy chatter. Here are some simple ideas to choose from:

Trim the Tree

In our home, this is our shared family moment.  Each ornament has a story and a memory attached and it tells the history of our family as it gets added to the tree. This year we will probably upgrade the guitar music to a Spotify Christmas playlist as we create a new design for the train track under the tree.

Bake together

A favorite friend sits with her family and rolls dozens on dozens of delicious chocolate truffles, which they then distribute – beautifully wrapped – to their neighbors and friends in the days before Christmas.

PJ Day – upgraded

After the turkey is eaten, and Boxing Day sales are done, agree on a designated ‘lazy day’ for your family to share time together before returning to regular routines.  Start with a simple or sophisticated family brunch. Play board games.  Or binge watch Harry Potter, the Lord of the Rings or your favorite 2016 Netflix saga, cuddled under cozy blankets while sharing popcorn.  Create the moments that allow conversations to happen.

Make this Christmas Count

I say Christmas because I like the alliteration. Make this Holiday season count!  Children do not stay little forever.  And families evolve too – separations, work situations, and illness can lead to single parent homes and fractured families.  But it is still possible to create moments that matter.

Why the urgency?  It is perhaps unfortunate that I once saw a chart from WaitbutWhy.com.  If you overlay the Decembers you will wake with all your children still at home, there may not be that many.I realized that our unique holiday traditions will continue to evolve with our children as they grow. And at some point, it will all change.  Our celebrations will expand to include girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands, wives, and grandchildren.  So my advice?

Go techie. Be flexible. Pick one.

As your teenager gets a life of their own, the demands on their time change.  Agree, as a family, on ONE tradition that evokes the true meaning of the holidays for all of you, and make that work. On all else, be flexible.  Add in a current technology to upgrade a cherished tradition.

Why conversation matters

All the traditions mentioned above provide a great gateway to keep the lines of communication open between teenager and parent – even if it is just a hug or a cuddle.  Our teenagers are at a delicate point in their development.  They bounce between wanting to be an adult one day, back to enjoying the comforts of childhood the next.  One of my favorite quotes on this is from a National Geographic article.

The resulting account of the adolescent brain—call it the adaptive-adolescent story—casts the teen less as a rough draft than as an exquisitely sensitive, highly adaptable creature wired almost perfectly for the job of moving from the safety of home into the complicated world outside

As they struggle to decide on their next steps in courses, colleges, and careers, the best gift we can offer them is security, connection, comfort, and confidence.

Making time for our teenager matters.  Preserving traditions, but allowing them to evolve, shows our teens what is possible for their future.

Make Great Memories

In the end, we all live on memories.  So go out there and make some great ones this December!

What is on your Christmas wish list?  Need some help?

Do you need to brainstorm some ideas that may work for your family this year?  I am available for coffee chats and meetups, or a free 15-minute phone call.

Book your appointment at calendly.com/thekarenaarena or email me at karena@theKARENAarena.com

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I’ve started the conversation.  The Arena is your space for discussion:

} .. How do you engage your teenagers during the Holiday season?

} .. Do you have a tradition with a twist?

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INSPIRATION, THANKS, AND MEMORIES FOR THIS BLOG:

• WaitbutWhy.com
• Credit to everyone mentioned, but not named
• http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text